Tag Archives: time

never late

10 Jul


i aim to accept  all that is – as it is – all the time, but intigrating such a basic truth to the deepest flow is a seeping in process. One such truth of acceptance is that I am never late – ever.  I never again have to have that internal feeling of running late.  It just doesn’t exist.  Wherever I am, I am always right where I am supposed to be – and even if it looks to an outside observer that I am not on time, I actually am right on time.

When I believe my lateness to be true, my stomach churns, my heart rate increases, I am shaky.  Worse than the body is the mental constructing – imagining the reactions of those who are waiting, writing stories of excuses,  or indulging the worst case scenarios of the judgement from others.

That is helpful – body stress, mental stress, wigged out emotions!

I often have found myself with these physical symptoms of stress to varying degrees.  But gradually I began to see that the messages of the physical and mental body are showing me my thoughts about being late are incorrect.  I can release that stress immediately – there is no late.

This stress drop-kick is a bit like when one wakes up sick and clears her schedule – everything can be released just that easily.

Now, I do not think that, universally, I know anything.  What about thoughtless people who leave others hanging,  slackers who clear the decks to watch tv, what about societal expectations, jobs, commitments?    There is no late here either.  To me it seems that the natural consequences of the slackers’ untimeliness creates the perfect conditions for their experiences in their lives.  If they get fired, broken-up-with, dismissed, left out because of perceived inconsiderate use of time, they will get what is best for their learning – or perhaps they are giving lessons to others suffering with fixed and hurtful rigidity as well.

The new flow – as it comes in more and more – is playing with us in connection to the clock and flow of time.  Have you noticed?  I hit a time crunch vortex a few days ago where 11 am compressed in a tesseract wrinkle to 4 pm – making the 5 hours feel like 20 minutes.  I know the linear minded will say this is just the perception within me – and that is true – but perhaps these experiences creep in showing us about our believed entrapment within an imperceivably flexible force.

The clock is not a measuring tool for my worth, my perfection, my adherence to the rules; the clock is a guide to help me move from one thing to another, or to recognize and release things that do not flow with my natural rhythms and desire for the life I wish to create.  The clock actually helps me to recognize a crunch or discordancy with who I am flowing to be.

time warrior

Always Right on Time

20 Jan


When my kids were little, sick days – strangely – held a welcome clarity.

A day full of activity was instantly erased and turned into a day of service for the ill.   While I sympathized with their bodily suffering, selfishly, I enjoyed that I knew what I was supposed to do;  with absolute single-mindedness or even no mindedness,  I was to care for them.

Really, everyday, we know what we are supposed to do, but often it doesn’t feel like that.

I have the memory of floundering with questions throughout this life: What am I supposed to do?   How do I shape my experience?   How do I spend my time and energy?  and the dreaded,  WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?

Every micro moment of our now is a mirror of the flow of what is.   The Sick Day holds a clue for EVERY DAY.  For me I see that I am to Accept the Moment, the Flow, the Mirror of right now.

Sometimes, I am able clear the decks and merge with the flow.  Sometimes, I resist.

A recent example from my corner of resistance turned to flow:

I was late for work on Thursday.  I had a momentary knee jerk of the speedy, rushy, worry stress.  My body said, yuck, I don’t like this feeling.  This time,  I was able to see it, switch into the now and just observe the experience of being late, without attachment.  I arrived about 5 minutes late to a hallway full of students; we exchanged smiles and laughs while I unlocked the door and apologized for keeping them.  The experience was actually enjoyed, as there was no worry, guilt, shame, just flow.

Here’s a surprise:  the flow of respect and love with my students even increased.     It seems they felt closer to me in my imperfection and my comfort with that.  I saw that they also loved being able to forgive me.

But even if the reaction to my tardiness had been what one thinks of as unpleasant, that mirror could just be observed as well, without definition. The lack of attachment, though, often does seem to allow others to join the flow with me, I observe.

My purpose is to do this now in this body, to live it, to watch it, to experience it – all around me.  It is clear, moment to moment, we are always right on time 🙂

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