Tag Archives: perspective

longing is a secret door

8 Feb

We only need to long

from our lower bellies

and our furnace hearts,

not from the jumpled frenzy of our thoughts.

Each moment

is the longing for breath,

and blood in veins

to carry what the breath brought in –

to keep us alive to long some more.

 

However, we are thinking animals

who have wallpapered over desire

with complex patterns.

We’ve forgotten where

impulse

comes from.

At the bottom of all complexity,

we can codify.

Tell me, is this list accurate?

Humans desire:

  1. to keep on breathing
  2. to pleasure the flesh
  3. to distract from the horror that comes from knowing we will die
  4. to keep on breathing

 

However,

breath will end; it will.

(enormous, this!)

Then and only then,

desiring the air of another realm

will pull us out of this life —

and though I can not prove anything to you,

I practice breathing and ending breath both;

for when my moment comes,  I desire ease.

I imagine our work on this larger breath can be gifted

to whomever needs it ~ when.

Use it with my blessing,

for I love you

in this breath.

 

 

glowing on

24 Jan

 

Joy arrives in the smallest corners

without a script to find it.

Think a bird tilting its head to you in curiosity,

a cat curled up in your pine straw, allowing you close,

a deer pausing mid-munch to size you up

before bounding its fluff tail bum deeper into the woods.

Agenda toward joy can look alright to start with

but it soon becomes a grocery store cake in the mouth,

leaving you wondering how to spit it out with grace.

Grasping at joy is revolting, a fake laugh, an insinuation,

a glomping on – vicarious to the actual fleeting glimpses

we are gifted without neediness.

Don’t grab the kitty by the tail,

try not to join in when you haven’t heard the joke,

allow your own joy to arrive outside the attainment of others,

without needing to announce it to the imagined view of the world.

The original intention that you came here with

is still flickering – and it will not go out until you are gone,

even if you are in jail, or cast out, or inebriated

on the most common drugs of: figuring things out,

escaping your pain, making yourself important,

making yourself small, just

getting through the day, busy, busy, busy…

you know them all.

Even here, joy still visits, and fans your fractal candle.

Thank God, it is one of those trick candles, so blow away,

test it out; it will be here as long as you – waiting to light you

from within – and your inferno will be all your own.

My bonfire on a distant hill

connects the dots toward yours,

making the view overhead of all these fires a truer map

of who is down here,

remembering joy,

no matter where.

 

 

walking on the fields of slaves

24 Jan

Closing eyes while facing the setting sun,

over marsh and salty creeks,
provides a primitive script
on the inside of my pink-skinned lids.
i was the cave dweller who carved
notches for the ones I’ve been.
i run my cursor over the alligator skin
encoded with the story of all time,
left here for me –
thinking there is no way
she will miss it, this time.

i see the structure of my mundane thoughts
solid like walls built on each side – but i can
push them back with my
shadowy arms.
my house is
a cardboard house, with folding lines preset
to make it gone in a new york minute.
WOLF may huff and puff –
but i tell him,
put your predatory mind at rest:

i

give you my house
and my piggie flesh too
no need for a scene.

i
listen to the drone of rush hour traffic
while my feet touch the land of original settlers.
blood and sweat in the dirt and air,
they are for dinner, whole.
I am thinking again
and the mind conjures
up a rule that I am only pulled down
by that which i have not healed – what
does that mean?
do I/i remember my days as slave,
as master,
beast and bird?

when i move in the world,

i have become
a piece of the sky
in a sports bra.
there is room for every
crazy thing that i can imagine.
the I has forgotten,

but now i remember

the very next person/animal/plant/or insect that i cross
has chosen to cross my path for a holy encounter.
There is only now to

pray as i enter the post office –
talk to my sliver of chocolate –
and study the morse code of the dishwashers whirring
moving my hips to the swoosh:
no need to escape to the cave
any more.
The cave moves within me
as dark and silent
as can be –
a black hole
in motion –
swallowing
time behind her curving path.

sea legs

1 Jan

I have yet to sleep a night on the boat myself, but there were years that I traversed the sea and land, shifting between land legs and sea legs daily.

Now I just go on the boat, switch out the sheets, clean her tiny berths and heads, and make my way to land again.  But even just these short, almost daily traipses onto this water platform give me the shifting feeling everyday.  I’ve always had a bit of an unsteady inner ear.  When I sit still to type this, cozy at my land home kitchen table, the world is still swaying with the rocking of the waves.  I feel movement for hours and days after being on a boat.  What a gift, moment by moment, to be reminded, though on solid land, that nothing is steady or still.  Nothing is permement.  I can remember to hold on to my hat.  I am sure that kansas is a state of mind and that I create a wake on land from the sway of my perceptions.

Our planet is most certainly a spaceship, perhaps moving in a whirling hole behind the sun who is in a hurry to go somewhere.  When I look at stars, I feel like we are allowed on deck of the ship of earth to watch our travels as we hurtle through space.  What an amazing vessel is she, designed so that we do not have to wear seat belts or wait for the captain’s light to move about.

I am not a scientist.   I do not know if this model is right, but I like the way it makes my mind open to the sway of possibilities.  I like to zoom out past my seat and look on us from a new angle.  I like to be a bit unsteady, for then I am prompted to be on my toes, ready for anything.

 

giant babies in the sky

20 Sep

Giant Baby

 

There seems to be spontaneous, helpful guidance that comes from goodness knows where to show us again and again that there is a way to view this world and the things that happen in it as nothing but  spiritual encounters.

Sometimes, when I am checking out from a store, I look around and instead of shoppers, all I see are beings –  all the souls who agreed to meet me here.  When I fly on an airplane, I can feel like I am measuring the volume of soul weight all around my seat.  Even if I am home alone, I feel like I have a preordained date to meet some other part of me.

Early to class one day, I was starting the computer, going over the lesson, getting ready; I was in a get up, drive to school, get to work mode;  I was not in a spiritual mindset.  I was just going to teach a lesson to people in seats.  I stopped getting ready with all the stuff of 3D life and looked around.

As I focused on each empty desk, I could see the student in his or her usual appearance who usually sat there, and I nodded to him or her in my mind, one by one, recognizing the agreement we had, to meet here in this classroom, to learn a particular subject, yes, but more than that, I could see that we had a larger interaction.

A vision came where I saw myself growing outside my  boundaries with each student, one at a time.  We expanded out; we were so large  that our heads were meeting above the atmosphere of earth.  There we were, large Sumo babies, beyond words, exchanging our agreement together in the mystery of space.

This strange exercise took me out of the planning mind and into an awareness of my spiritual agreement to each student.  As I  can see that we meet here person to person in the classroom, I am also helped to  recognize each student’s  larger being which helps me to see innate value in each one.  We have agreed together to do work  that may resemble an English course, but in reality, we are doing  spiritual work together.

This ongoing vision or space travel helps me also to see our equality.  We are students and a teacher playing roles, but I can see that we are, each one of us, student and teacher both, on equal footing, overall,  tourists together on this planet, signing on for experiences.

Now, when I get lost in the minutia of lessons or caught in the frustration of inattention, I try to jump to the vision of who we really are; sometimes  I can shift my perspective to the stratosphere and return again with a new, spiritual lens prescription.  

Yes, you have a comma splice here, but wow, just look what a powerful being you are; look at what potential lies within you; try using a semicolon and breathing in some space dust.

a rat when he’s wet

20 Apr

 

yo ese

 

I am in love with being chosen by this cat.

Perhaps it could be any cat.

His lowness in the world fills me not with disgust

but pity and  soft opening for his escape.

What makes the breath of one man reek,

and another fill your heart with care?

Come purr on my chest when I haven’t the time;

will I grow tired of thee?  Will you come to be  a stink, a chore?

Do I know how to love; are you here to show me?

The story goes a bit like this:  convulsing fear, survival strength, ache, rage, numbness,

rote doing, and then one morning we start imagining ~ maybe.

Our mind/s broadcasting into the void, virtual machines of creation.

A snake, a turtle, a rat may have answered, but here is this homeboy, ESE.

You, little man, radiate the joy of 2nd chances.

You mirror tougher days which make me the humble seer.

Basking in the soft luxury of my bed,

I worship the roof , the lights, the water,  the pantry…

There may be hope for me yet.

“I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.”  ~ Jean Cocteau

All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”  Samuel Butler

one, not two

15 Dec

solo trip

Copyright © Leszek Bujnowski.

You  allow, you invite the lesson, you sit in silence as life takes its course, you give up the illusion of control, you do the next thing that arises.  You stop pointing fingers, you  think, you look within………….and yet nothing gives.

Some things seemed created for the purpose of being intensely worrisome, yet they are not deadly enough to put you out of here.

Some problems push the buttons of hopeless feelings; they leave you staring up at a  impassable cliff while you physically feel yourself  sinking into quicksand.

Don’t we all have  problems like this?  The kind for which you cannot find the key to unlock to save your life.

These challenges seem the very things that force us to step into a conversation with the mystery.  There is no where else to go.

Remembering that every problem is spiritual in nature, always, all ways, is not always what I want  to hear, but until I remember this, I am stuck.  

Excerpted from Depak Chopra’s book Spiritual Solutions: Answers to Life’s Greatest Challenges

Spirituality begins with a decisive answer… It says that life isn’t random. There is pattern and purpose inside every existence. The reason that challenges arise is simple: to make you more aware of your inner purpose.

If the spiritual answer is true, there should be a spiritual solution to every problem— and there is. The answer doesn’t lie at the level of the problem, even though most people focus all their energies at that level. The spiritual solution lies beyond. When you can take your awareness outside the place where struggle is ever-present, two things happen at the same time: your awareness expands, and with that, new answers begin to appear. When awareness expands, events that seem random actually aren’t. A larger purpose is trying to unfold through you…
…The first step in this process is recognizing what level of awareness you are working from right now. Every time a challenge comes your way, whether it is about relationships, work, personal transitions, or a crisis that demands action, there levels of awareness. Become aware of them, and you will take a huge step toward finding a better answer.”

Problems are mirrors:  some are showing me where I’ve forgotten you and me are the same.   My student who drove me up the wall, in the end, was an expression of me.  We finished our dance, and she taught me where I still saw us as two.   Firmness or softness in reaction to her became a non-issue,  laughing or soothing, feeding or withholding, all these dualities and everything in between all flowing clearly without seeing difference in the end, because in that one tiny mirror, I see what is what.  She is me.

Laughing At the Word Two
Only
That Illumined
One
Who keeps
Seducing the formless into form
Had the charm to win my
Heart.
Only a Perfect One
Who is always
Laughing at the word
Two 
Can make you know
Of
Love.
 Hafiz
From: ‘The Gift’ 
Translated by Daniel Ladinsky

The answer to my health, the answer to my relationships, the answer to my work, my house,  my flow:  one.  I am one with my body, all other people, all objects, all nature, my space, my moments, my unfolding life – all me.

I think it is not just love your neighbor as yourself, but love your neighbor – she is you.  Love every thing; everything is me.    (Am I one upping Jesus?  God,  how ridiculous am I?:)

 Today, Hafiz and Dr. Chopra are my old friends, voices I love to have in my ear, clues sent just for me in the dance.
Now for the day.  Listening to the rain.  Letting the crisp air wake me up to the space that has been holding me all this time, a place with no thoughts.  Let me feel my arms and legs move; let me clear away the piles of chores put off for today.  Let me be present in the moment with those I choose to engage with.  Let me  Listen for the sizzle of energy in the air  – the sizzle of All Possible – in every moment. Let me be one, not two; let me zoom out and become the solution.  Let me be grateful for the prickly problems I’ve created for such holy moments as these.
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