Tag Archives: awkward

awkward is unavoidable, awkward is beautiful

21 Jul

seeing each other – acknowledging that we see each other – can feel awkward.  We raise are heads up and out – turtles – wondering about the world outside.  Venturing out, we see other turtles, some nearby,  their heads out, too – seems transparent now who is stirring  while sitting in classrooms, coffeeshops, the corner of the library, reading books like be here now, or the doors of perception…

I feel shy when I see you and I can tell you do, too.   I see the perk up when I get weird, when I mention the matrix or the nature of reality or the beauty of our pain and shared vulnerability – when I ramble.

It frustrates the linear, note-takers, no, nothing will be on the test, to answer your scrunched up face, just relax, sit back, let your mind wander, tell us what tangents excite you.

In the field of heads down, I see the random smile, a knowing nod.  eyes alit – I see you – you see me – we see each other at the same time which feels important. Is it enough to know the other is out there?

If you want, you can ask me anything!  You can approach before/after class.  We stand by the desk, not knowing where to begin.  Am I asking you or are you asking me?  – – Oh, so awkward.   I don’t have any answers for you – but I can be a touchstone that lets you know, there is something to these deviations you are finding so fascinating.  There is a path. That is something to KNOW.  haha.

You can show me some steps.   You thought maybe you were on to something, but weren’t sure under the pressure of all the others around you who were happy falling in line.  You wonder why you want to fall out of line. We are turtles on this log together.

Oh yes, here is the secret messages i can pass along –  IT sounds something like this:  you are a much loved little turtle, helping  you to see that you are love itself.  You are perfect – yet fixated on your imperfections on your knobby outside or deep into the secret insides that you think I see.  May I suggest that these perceived imperfections are here to help break you -to help crack the shell so protecting the gooey yolk within.  May I offer that we follow the whispers follow the goosebumps, follow the places that make us shiver and wonder how much more we can feel.  I say, let the anger rise, give it voice from a mountaintop, though it may take your turtle legs a while to reach the summit, and by the time you reach the summit, you may forget what angry shouts you were waiting to release.  

You are opening already – you are breaking your shell – which is why I can see you and you can see me. I am here, another pair of eyes – just another egg.  If I suggest a book, an idea, a work of art,  it is just something that is giving me goosbumps now, or did in the past.   You have your own internal meter for such things – which is much more important than anything I can point to…

But I don’t say these things.  I am cryptic.  Anything that can be said is out there already.  Words muss it up. And why talk when it is so nice on this sunny log, today, with you.  We can look together, while we bask in the glory of our chance, not chance, encounter.

We are ageless in a aged world.  You make me forget my name, energy, sound, color, light.

So curious am I about what lies beneath that bony home of yours.   I think I will get to see after you linger near trees as far as possible from the humans for a while – after you let the sun bathe your face in heat – when you water your feet in the ocean and the sand wears away what’s left of your shell.

I love you and you see that and that you see that shows that you are that love itself, and I am so glad that we crossed paths.  I myself am just getting used to and coming to love awkward , seeing awkward as where the juicy part can be.I don’t trust the smooth interaction that seems a facade riding on a surface of glib.  Our jjagged dialogue is good as we stumble and laugh together in this strange and present sit-com, now playing.

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