I used to live there

13 Jun

I used to live there

and I admit

I do still visit

when I forget,

sinking back 

into the piles of laundry,

the dust under beds and on the blades

of outdated ceiling fans in every room,

so many things left undone and haunting

when I could not find

the key to start the engine

for motion

most days.

Moving the house and home

of me

from the sink hole

started slowly

at first,

a notion

of another possible address

where a clean slate

could be gifted

from me

to me

a space

unknown

but felt enough

to at first help my head rise from the pillow

more toward

the day

and less, less the night.

Moving is never a matter of money,

but instead an issue of inner knowing

of just where one lives

in truth.

I see the one who lives there, now,

in the front

still in his pajamas

watering the weeds

that won the battle over the grass,

and my chest muscle tightens  – 

remembering the pain of my own lost address,

but what can I say?

Only to whisper,

gentle, from the distance

of my passing car:

remember

you don’t have to live there

one second more –

you too

can be one

who knows

that you used to live

where you are now

but you will have learned

that you don’t have to

live there

anymore.

12 Responses to “I used to live there”

  1. footloosedon June 13, 2020 at 6:57 pm #

    I too used to live there, and still visit now and then when I forget. Thank you Marga for this lovely reminder.

    • marga t. June 14, 2020 at 4:24 am #

      Thank you. We are neighbors! 🙂

  2. Kellie June 13, 2020 at 11:02 pm #

    Lovely poem 👌😊

  3. Michael June 14, 2020 at 3:44 pm #

    I think I am still moving boxes out. Looking for Tupperware lids. Wondering why we have eight knives and eight forks but only six spoons. Each box comes up to the bottom of my nose and I get lost as I schlep them across town. I stop and set them down, paw through them. Try to remember where I was going again… It’s weird to move from a fixed address to everywhere at once, because somehow there’s no place to store your things!

    • marga t. June 15, 2020 at 12:48 am #

      You are so perfectly playful and you point out the unsaid thing – where is home, really?! Moving to everywhere at once – sometimes I get just a tiny bit of a glimpse of immensity and I panic and pull back in and try to hold this collection of cells together at imaginary edges. Hello, you, t(here).

  4. Alison and Don June 15, 2020 at 5:57 am #

    Moment by moment remembering – I don’t have to live there anymore. Sometimes it seems I’m too stubborn to let go. And then I remember and laugh.
    Lovely reminder.
    Alison xo

    • marga t. June 15, 2020 at 12:37 pm #

      Perfectly said, A! The veil of forgetting though can have such a pull, at times. Even in the forgetting, there seems to be some shift in not residing, not keeping a toothbrush, in that home anymore. 🙂 xx m

  5. Miguel Clark Mallet June 15, 2020 at 5:28 pm #

    I think it’s not possible to live in the same place, even if I never move. The place changes around me. My only choice is whether to acknowledge it and how to respond.

    • marga t. June 16, 2020 at 1:45 am #

      Sort of like how we can never step in the same stream twice. There has never been any there there. The more riddle(y) it gets, the closer it seems. Hello fellow homeless friend! 🙂

  6. KELLY J KUHN June 15, 2020 at 9:12 pm #

    Beautiful.

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