Archive | June, 2020

without within without

29 Jun

I am the space in which i move –

not the other way around.

Motion happens in this shift, oh and stillness, too.

I am watching out from eyes i can not place!

Oh, who am i kidding?

Cleaning house(a joyful chore!)

now that I am

so much larger

than i perceived

whom is watching

me BE.

_ /’\_ X I\I

 

 

settle down

27 Jun

When the flow of adrenaline hit the belly

I knew something big was approaching.

I was kicking the dirt

and blowing brrrray

behind the starting gate door.

Small portion fear mixed with ample dollops excitement

ready for the next disaster

sure to be a doozy.

A rough hour in jittery anticipation

until I remembered, oh, the left over coffee,

which you do not normally drink,

in the fridge, was caffeinated,

Lightbulb on.

Dear girl, this morning’s prescient omens

were all a playing out of chemistry

in this reliable and forgiving body.

Simmer down, now, m

All will unfold in its due time –

there is no fire 

or another blessed disaster

in the immediate.

Goodness, how beautiful, the playings out

of body and mind – who haven’t yet learned

who is driving the car.

I can remember 

that part which is beyond the effects of our everyday drugs,

Watching, watching, quiet at the center,

laughing with love

at my overwrought avatar,

hitting again and again the key

we use for GO.

now-wish

17 Jun

there is

no time,

no desire, but

someone is

hungry for completion,

while also still and happy,

mellowed out

hollowed out

laughing

and watching

whatever arises.

The now wish is

sharing parsley with my friend,

my trippy colored, hungry friend.

 

 

 

I used to live there

13 Jun

I used to live there

and I admit

I do still visit

when I forget,

sinking back 

into the piles of laundry,

the dust under beds and on the blades

of outdated ceiling fans in every room,

so many things left undone and haunting

when I could not find

the key to start the engine

for motion

most days.

Moving the house and home

of me

from the sink hole

started slowly

at first,

a notion

of another possible address

where a clean slate

could be gifted

from me

to me

a space

unknown

but felt enough

to at first help my head rise from the pillow

more toward

the day

and less, less the night.

Moving is never a matter of money,

but instead an issue of inner knowing

of just where one lives

in truth.

I see the one who lives there, now,

in the front

still in his pajamas

watering the weeds

that won the battle over the grass,

and my chest muscle tightens  – 

remembering the pain of my own lost address,

but what can I say?

Only to whisper,

gentle, from the distance

of my passing car:

remember

you don’t have to live there

one second more –

you too

can be one

who knows

that you used to live

where you are now

but you will have learned

that you don’t have to

live there

anymore.

touching my toes

12 Jun

it occurs to me this morning

that flexibility is the higher order

of this earthy trip

from amnesiac birth

and warrior marching

through weed

and thorny ways

on toward an exit

back stage left

even as soon as tomorrow.

at the first sign of tightness

in thought and id

is the time to jump on that confusion,

(which creeks and aches like arthritis

in me, a short lived wow-man)

not when it gets too late

and I have cemented myself

into my own confusion.

does the world need my allegiance

to a side?

I hope not –

sides are always born

of confusion.

may the head to arms to toes of me

BE free of the tightness

born of rigid thoughts.

i like to linger in bed

and avoid the chill of morning

but the calisthenics needed

are not optional

if i want a lucid

view.

I whistle at the squirrel

and dance with walter the cat

and stomp confusion out as

i plunge myself into the frigid bath

of truth

breathing into the spacious air

shaking off all my thoughts

on a constant refresh rhythm.

for now, tea is still waiting

with heavy cream to boot, rich my life.

i’m getting it while i still can

and i’ll have no regret

as breath leaves this body bag

alone alone and together i am

with every worm and vulture

waiting to clean my bones

that served me well.

 

 

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