Something became apparent yesterday. I discovered the leap of faith I’ve been dancing around for years. The leaps of faith in the religions I grew up with were more up front. I found them early on and leapt with abandon, perhaps from conditioning for being good, perhaps for the love of mystery and the possibility that true goodness did exist. In short, I believed. I was not much of a Thomas.
The one I just discovered might be so obvious that my mention of it will have you shaking your head with my slow processing speed. No more beating around the bush, here it is: If everything that I see, feel, hear, smell, taste, and experience in this world changes, the knowing of the thing that doesn’t change for me is a leap of faith. The direct experience of the unchanging can not be known because (and here is where I am using my mind to try to solve a riddle that stretches out of the realm of mind) to know it would be an experience of it and experience is a changing phenomenon, by its very definition.
Stand up, flag me down, you who can answer my riddle. Can you send a lightning strike to the heart that makes the unknowable known? I’ve had experiences of beyond and daily I flow in a realm that meshes with the mundane, but is not of it. BUT tell me tell me if you can what is the mystery in the heart of a man. Is there a black (w)hole of connection to the unchanging within my heart, within every heart, within every quivering bit of matter?
I am not distressed. This little epiphany just has me pausing. Sitting sitting feeling feeling all to know what is unknowable. Must we always leap to reach? Is this why there is no where to go?
Love to anyone kind enough to tread in this unkept field of blossoms. I love that you are there and here. This expression is me, moving beyond my knowing, allowing the questioning to come. I am not separate, and yet this body being has existed from within this marga spot only, seemingly. Can she merge with knowing before she’s gone from this body? Oh, the strangeness of it all.
Life as Improv 