– – – love and emergency vehicles – – –

25 Dec

To love, one must first forget all about love. Make it your aim and look for direction. As we are, we cannot possibly love.  Gurdjieff (commas added for clarity by me:)

The roads I tread have been tread before.  Fellow travelers leave their words for me.


It is nice to me to find clarity for what I meant when I talked about love a month or so ago.   I could not articulate clearly why I felt incapable of love, but life keeps unfolding, reflecting back information to me for the questions I ask.

Learning to love is a bit like unlearning, for me, right now.

When I was identified with love by my mind’s definitions, I became incapable of being the love that I am.

Can I relate here the reflections that arise?  Perhaps not, but experience feels like being explored with words this quiet morning:

I saw lights from an ambulance, a fire truck, and a police car all throbbing and reflecting on windows and water at the marina as I left yesterday.  The mind would define this light show as an EMERGENCY.  With my mellow mind in its quietude after walking the long distance on the docks in the foggy heat, my eyes see.  Red.  Blue.  White.  Flickering in a pattern.   Without definition, without association.  Something is happening; lights are pulsing,  but eyes are seeing before any idea of suffering.  These eyes see the emergency lights the same as these eyes see fog.

Of course, I know what these vehicles and lights can mean, but that idea is the same as all ideas, a rabbit hole.  That which needs my attention will be made clear without my ideas about any thing.

Seeing can be separate from ideas.

I feel Love arises naturally in such a state, beyond my associations, beyond my ideas about any thing, beyond my DOing.  In this field, love is unrestricted to bubble up without obligation or definition or shoulds.   This bubble that arrives is larger than my small being, and it travels through the vehicle of this body separate from my thoughts.  I think it bursts above my head and floods me a bit like this:  

At 5:20 minute (but all is speaking today):


19 Responses to “– – – love and emergency vehicles – – –”

  1. Hariod Brawn December 25, 2015 at 2:06 pm #

    I greatly appreciate your candour and acuity on this subject Marga, and the whole reminded me of something I read just yesterday in fact:

    “If you have reasons to love someone, you don’t love them.”

    ― Slavoj Žižek

    Hariod ❤

    • marga t. December 25, 2015 at 10:43 pm #

      You are so kind to visit this topic with me again and again. Žižek must have steeped these leaves for eons, it feels to me, for the tea of these few words to be so potent – the essence I keep searching for.
      Here is to more light, day by day, ahead.
      xo! m

  2. seeingm December 25, 2015 at 5:45 pm #

    Here is to BEing the bridge in motion (as well as the water passing under it) on this fine high holy morn, my sweet. 🙂 -xx.M

    • marga t. December 25, 2015 at 10:54 pm #

      and here is to the two of you walking the walk together, speaking mindfully of said walk, creating rich environs with sound, and sharing richly with ears ready to hear on this fine holy day! You’ve been here for a virtual visit to toss pebbles from the bridge into the passing water. (and to share tea, of course! – I’m off the black leaf entirely, just to share a new joy:) http://neilkramer.com/roamcast-17-apogee-of-shadows.html

  3. Dr. Mike Campbell December 25, 2015 at 7:24 pm #


    • marga t. December 25, 2015 at 11:10 pm #

      Chicka Chicka Boom Boom! 🙂 Warm Desert Yule tidings to you and Lori!

      • Dr. Mike Campbell January 15, 2016 at 4:31 am #

        Thank-you M. And the same to you in return.

  4. Alison and Don December 26, 2015 at 3:17 pm #

    I know just what you mean – about the flooding, about all of it. Love is there always, beyond the mind’s stories and definitions and rabbit holes.
    Alison ❤

    • marga t. December 28, 2015 at 4:16 pm #

      Enormous, crayon-colored heart to you!

  5. Michael December 26, 2015 at 5:44 pm #

    Hello M,

    I like the way whirling lights can be used to remind us the whole scene, in all its seriousness, lacks the authenticity of love that blows in from places inside us devoid of reasons and the scaffoldings of logic. I liked the Gurdjieff video– the Matrix music, the entering and exiting of cars. It is always after difficult bouts of trying to be loving– of tripping repeatedly over the subtle insincerity contained in the thought that “I” have anything whatsoever to do with whether Love arises in the scenes I inhabit or not– there arise these moments of pure freedom.

    It is a glorious language we are reminding one another we speak…


    • marga t. December 28, 2015 at 4:18 pm #

      You last sentence sends me into delight – a twisty Koan within a Koan, you’ve created, my friend! Remember? Yes, I think I do! It is on the tip of my tongue.

  6. minxie68 December 28, 2015 at 4:03 pm #

    Love occurs naturally that is what my view is and I do not want to explain why it happens. Some things are better left unexplained…

  7. Just Joan December 30, 2015 at 1:30 pm #

    Enjoyed this. And Amelie was one of my favorite movies EVER!

    • marga t. December 31, 2015 at 12:52 pm #

      Thank you, Joan. I feel like an Amelie puddle, often. I’m so grateful for the filmmaker who could create such an image for such an unexplainable human sensation.

  8. smilecalm January 2, 2016 at 3:57 pm #

    wishing you continued
    love, marga
    warm, and relentlessly
    melting across the senses
    like chocolate fondue 🙂

    • marga t. January 6, 2016 at 1:28 pm #

      pure pleasure
      here in the warmth
      and sweetness of
      your words. 🙂

  9. Michael R. January 14, 2016 at 10:12 am #

    Just going to drop this here: I have recently indeliberately fallen in Love (I know, fml). And I think for Love to occur, you need to meet a person. And you need to see enough in that person to feel “something”. And that “something” might turn into infatuation, or attraction, or friendship. It’ll maybe even evolve into love, but it’s only after hardship and hate, that Love happens. I dunno, maybe I read your blog post wrong, but I got the feeling with the whole ambulance thing that you kind of described it perfectly. It does happen naturally, but it’s kind of a hard and scary process.
    I dunno, maybe I’m talking sh*t xD Lovely post anyway! Thanks for that 🙂

    • marga t. January 14, 2016 at 5:09 pm #

      Indeliberately – such a great word choice, here, Michael! Some part of us seems to perceive the surrender into love a hard and scary process – especially if we are talking about with another human, specifically. Advanced Level 😉 Thanks for your sharing!

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