need want both

20 Sep

the movement to fill the belly is a vow

at least for now

to continue on in the journey of the body

to fulfill the need

that being human

makes me have.

we play the game

we all must do the dance of chewing

and swallowing

and pleasuring in taste

but at times

it is just a chore

like bathing and peeing

like flossing and dentist tripping

part of the musts for taking care of this bod

this minivan – no  truck

I’ll look under the hood, and change the oil

get enough fuel to do the things I want to do.

I cannot hike or paddle or swim without reserves –

eat to live

live to eat

I remember those days

when going without I thought would make me faint

and now sometimes I forget,

I forget and get the signal from the gauge

hey girl, you’re riding on empty

and you got miles to go

you know…

and then at times

a taste,

a whiff even, is enough

to begin a longing

to flood the tongue with taste

and the brain – endorphins

what is this drug?

the charring, the sweet and salty?

the perfect meal

a bit like heroin, never quite measuring to that first high

but definitely worth the try –

so many roads to go down

some necessary, most by choice

I enjoy the pleasure and the denial

I am a ambidextrous consumer

I can dive into pleasure

without needing it to show up daily

and I can dive into denial

without a nagging voice of need

yet still,

a cup of tea is champagne

a basil leaf,  a boat to shangrila –

may we ever hunger for that which truly fills.

12 Responses to “need want both”

  1. smilecalm September 20, 2015 at 4:23 pm #

    such a gastronomical delight
    like chocolate
    on a moonlit night
    by the ocean
    of happiness 🙂

    • marga t. September 20, 2015 at 8:52 pm #

      Oh, now that’s a good plan.
      I’m in!

  2. Hariod Brawn September 20, 2015 at 5:14 pm #

    An interesting situation Marga; perhaps as if the mind were a reluctant lover to the body’s courting overtures? Desire and indifference staring at each other across a plate of transcendental salad, whilst chocolates gather ’round in amazement.

    • marga t. September 20, 2015 at 8:54 pm #

      Outside of this imagined duality, there is a restaurant that specialized in that transcendental salad – you must have been there too to know the name! Rumi got us a table, I’m sure. 🙂

  3. Michael September 20, 2015 at 6:54 pm #

    Hello M,

    Such an interesting debate going on between survival and pleasure in this one– makes me feel that living fully is something like the exponent to the base surviving. I know when I find myself super busy– overwhelmed even– eating is sadly reduced to the necessary topping of the tank. Then in quieter times, meals can be such celebrations of presence, friends and abundance. I’m trying not to presume too much by way of paper-grading tsunamis and late night reckonings. Which is to say I wish you well and hope you find some moments of reconnaissance with the golden fall light. There is something calming about the tea as champagne, and the basil leaf bliss, and the ability to shift between delight and denial as they prevent themselves, without resistance…


    • marga t. September 20, 2015 at 9:00 pm #

      There is something about being pushed against the wall, the way commitments do to me sometimes, that brings out these basics. Last time we were discussing air and It was decided that it wasn’t optional, I believe. Now I’m on to food, not as immediate as air, but certainly a factor to be considered! I like how my life flow boat returns me again and again to the same shore, but each time, I am someone different. I’ve a self-sustaining smoothie recipe that keeps me going at the best time ratio some days, but afterwards, it makes the chewing seem so luxurious. I appreciate your ever ready perceptiveness, and raising my head long enough to see old friends is such a gift! Now, back at it, I go (without resistance) Word by word into the minds of others needing/wanting my attention.

  4. Marneymae September 20, 2015 at 11:55 pm #

    I can really identify with this.
    Thank you for putting words to this experience.
    Deep bow to you.

  5. Alison and Don September 21, 2015 at 4:43 pm #

    I know what you mean. Sometimes it’s a chore, a simple necessity, and sometimes it’s the most luxurious orgasmic experience ever invented. While travelling it’s challenging to know what to eat sometimes – food is often unfamiliar, and routines non-existent. The body objects from time to time but apparently it’s not yet time for me to do without one.

    • marga t. September 21, 2015 at 10:47 pm #

      I love the reminder from you of just how travel forces us to examine ourselves in almost every facet of habit and preference. The changing of my eating patterns is almost like a trip away from myself. As I return, I notice that every morsel defies the usual reaction. Beginner’s tongue 🙂
      I am so glad to be in the body at the same time as you, observing and sharing along the way. xo! m

  6. Kelly Kuhn September 23, 2015 at 8:57 pm #

    I’ve been reading about (and following, I suppose) the Health At Every Size movement, reading about the bias and outright lies in alleged weight research, and reading about body acceptance. I’ve been reading “The Diet Survivor’s Handbook” – a lesson each day – and trying to practice attuned eating. Trying to stay present to my hunger cues, and my reactions to them. Sometimes I am willing to eat, other times I want to do one more thing first. And another, then another. Many times I have a piece of chocolate, knowing no part of my physical body wants it.

    Our bodies provide the opportunities for so many lessons! Sometimes I wonder what I did last time around to have this much karmic debt.

    No matter, we all must learn somehow. Here’s to staying present and rising, one day and one bite at a time!

    • marga t. September 26, 2015 at 10:38 am #

      The process of eating to nourish – a simple idea yet mired in complexity. I’ve not heard of the Health at Every Size movement, but to my ears, it sounds practical and accepting – and loving…perhaps. I stop and give myself a loving self hug as I’m typing. Body, you sure do keep on keeping on! Thank you! It strikes me how just the simple act of taking in food can be rocked back to its very beginning, again and again in our lives. I recently discovered a food sensitivity which is helping with so many things but it leaves me at a loss in the grocery store and at home as I stare into the cupboard or into the refrigerator, rethinking the whole shebang. Like traveling, where everything is new, our senses come alive; even though, for me I can be discomforted from stepping away from what is known or habitual. One little bite at a time as you so sagely point out, KK. I am sharing a loving macha tea with you this morning, dear friend.

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