yen and yang, my daughters

26 Dec

chloe eden nyc dinosaur

 If you get too close to the mirror, your eyes will cross.

Of course I KNOW my girls, but somehow, separation helps me to actually see them.

And I see myself.

Things that come in packages of two often express polarity.  Daughter duality  is part of my learning.  They each reflect opposites in their ways of thinking, expressing, hurting, overcoming….basically existing in ways that directly reflect me as well.  I can see the strengths and flaws I contain within my being playing out in the reflection of these two girls.  What a show, what a combustable concoction, what a well-written play!

I see the slot-machine lever pulls in the traits of their genetic, environmental, personal choices…a playing out of variety, contrast, expanse.    Where one is extroverted, the other is introverted.  Where one intuits, the other logics it out.  Where one seems to absorb information through the ethers, the other has to read the chapter and memorize it word for word.  Where one wants to judge, the other wants to allow.  One, indoor, one outdoor.  One science, one art.  Of course, they do not exist in a vacuum of one thing and not the other, or in a snapshot that never changes, but they do seem to have tendencies that swing into opposites whenever possible.

They also reflect to me the truth of connection and separation that this life allows us, if we are willing to do the work of it.  I force me to see where I understand and where I do not.

This teaching is impossible to put into words.  It is as intense as I can ever imagine in both fun and pain.  I cannot ever walk away.  I am here for the long haul and in knowing the safety of my presence, they  let it all fly – they  unleash – and thus I am granted the fiery, fierce eternal mirror of my own truth in a way that is way beyond a partnering relationship which is based on sharing the journey but with a freedom to leave.  

Wow.  Cannot leave.  I have to look them and myself in the face.  Parent is much the same as committing to live a life in this body.  Barring extreme action – we are here – we must live our lives.   What a gift they have given to me on a deep soul level – this walking to adulthood with my kindred, these girls, by choice to begin with, then by force.

By next year, this whole dynamic will be shifting as one goes to college, and the other stays home for a bit longer.  What seems unbearable now, will no longer be pressing by next year.  The frustration of differences will be become an attractor, I imagine, by the heart softening of distance.

I miss their noise, their mess, their complexities, their joys, and even their suffering this week – but goodness, a little time alone is so very good.

How’s this for contrast :0

8 Responses to “yen and yang, my daughters”

  1. seeingm December 26, 2013 at 3:58 pm #

    Up early for a few quiet moments in the house before my visiting siblings awaken, one of them being one of my precious sisters 🙂 . Sisters have been one of the greatest sources of strength, support and growth in my life…there are the four who came into my life through their birth and the ones that have come to me directly hearing the call out from the longings in my heart.

    SOOOO heart happy this morning to find another sister already awake and reaching out with her writing…in the quiet of the morning, to find a sister also at work, sharing such a beautiful post with me and the world she touches with her truth and courage. -xx.M

    • marga t. December 26, 2013 at 4:42 pm #

      Oh my sister who knows a lot more than a thing or two about sistering, I relish that we are sharing a morning space of quiet. My heart is so grateful for the similar longings that we sent out which were and are returned to us from such an immense love that desires to fulfill what we desire, only more so. How much confusion has been dissolved from this knowing! Thank you for being an integral part of this teaching! xo!m

  2. Michael December 28, 2013 at 2:47 pm #

    I was moved by this line. It is the embodiment of something powerful:

    “I am here for the long haul and in knowing the safety of my presence, they let it all fly – they unleash – and thus I am granted the fiery, fierce eternal mirror of my own truth in a way that is way beyond a partnering relationship which is based on sharing the journey but with a freedom to leave.”

    It reminded me of Love itself, which we accept, or come to accept, will never leave us. It is not it’s Nature or Possible for Love to withdraw from itself- but oh my, what a show we put on inside of that knowing!

    Michael

    • marga t. December 28, 2013 at 7:42 pm #

      Love love love your perspective, Michael; what a show we put on inside of “all that,” indeed! 🙂 I think you made me see that I knew when I struck upon those very words that you mention I was exposing myself to my own truth in the right hereness of that moment of words tumbling out. What a gift I’ve been given to remind myself of Love itself. Hope you are enjoying the flow of freedom to your days 🙂 How could you not?

  3. Kelly Kuhn December 29, 2013 at 5:00 pm #

    I relate with having 2 daughters, now with 1 in college and still 1 at home. And, more than anything, how they push and pull at me without even trying. I’m reminded of “Giving the Love That Heals” by Harville Hendrix – a book that saved my life as a parent when my oldest daughter was 3. He asserts, along with many others, that our children can be our best teachers, that they unwittingly point out those areas in ourselves that are blocked and hurting. Had it not been for my girls and my unrelenting drive to parent them well (by stopping the legacy of abuse in my family), I may still be very stuck in my own pain.

    How grateful I am – not only that these gorgeous souls chose to come to me, but also that I chose to use their reflections for my own growth! It sounds like you are in the same position. Hmm, that makes me grateful too.

    Blessings to you, marga.

    • marga t. December 30, 2013 at 1:47 pm #

      What a wonderful overlap here with you, Kelly: girls, pushing and pulling, healing, books that save our lives, friends reflecting our very own journeys, all which make me incredibly grateful, too! Blessings on your head, lovely lady!

  4. bg December 31, 2013 at 4:49 pm #

    Great post and one with which I can relate. As my oldest son grew, I saw more and more of myself in him. Then I started seeing different pieces of myself in my youngest. I could not imagine having more than two. My brain would explode. It is a lesson, and as you said we are in it for the long haul. Pot committed. I can only imagine that parents that leave their family are startled and afraid by what they see in themselves.

    I echo your sentiment that it is a journey of pain and joy, but not one that I would trade for anything in the world. They are the closest thing I have to a living mirror and yet they are their own unique person. It is amazing! The thing I have to keep reminding myself is to not project myself onto them. I can’t let my fears or worry influence them in a situation. I have to allow them to respond to it the way that they want to respond.

    • marga t. December 31, 2013 at 7:36 pm #

      Most of my friends along the “path” with me are not also walking the path of parent, so it is great to know of the overlap here with you, great for me to hear the commonality of the experience! I hear you about the projection; I had a round with that a few weeks ago that surprised me. I let some of my own hidden fears be vocalized about a tense situation with my daughter, which after resolution, we both were able to recognize my negative spiral. It was nothing too big – but a super gift of mirror work for me! As the girls get older, so much of what is happening is just their own business, and I am just a blank mirror back for them – letting them reflect back to themselves how and who they want to be. Thank you so much for sharing with your words here. Much peace and joy sent to you and your family! I love reading the avenues you are exploring!

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