On the couch, as I respond to a call from my daughter, which then requires some follow up calls, I watch the light fade in the sky through the windows. Now the sky is dark. Rain starts falling.
I am alone in my house. I am alone and connected to everything.
I see my own creation of spaciousness flying toward me now, a wonderful, old friend surprising me by its arrival. I am engulfed. This is very good. I make this happen.
In previous lives I have known, being alone through a holiday season full of expectations might have looked a bit lonely, but I imagine anyone who stops by here, you great life improvisors, would see a solitary holiday in a different light. Of course, “light has no mind for repetition…” according to John O’Donohue, as I am reminded of here where Sister M is also the DJ at my private party tonight.
There is no such thing as lonely.
There could never be such a thing as lonely again.
I am in heaven here alone, while also…
I release heaven here on earth through my very being – which is so clear now that I have given myself the space to see that this is so. I heard an interview with Mark Nepo on my long drive yesterday. His voice and words flooded my chest with warm remembrance.
LITTLE BY LITTLE (Mark Nepo)
Some days I plod like an ant so focused on the grain above my head that the next step holds all of life, and I feel in the lineage of slaves pushing the next stone up an unfinished pyramid. Then, without reason, life opens and flows with an unearned ease that I can’t describe. When it leaves, like a breeze of Spirit, I feel renewed and certain that God is in both the moment of lift and the moment of ease. In the moment before pain and after. So I’ve given up wishing for ease and running from pain. Everything on Earth moves by this inching between ease and pain. It’s how we grow. And praising both, surrendering to both, accepting both is the work of love. Little by little, the way an ameba pulses under a microscope, the soul within a human being pulses like a faint star throbbing in place. Our spirit seems to emanate as our psychology constricts. The contrast makes us glow and shimmer. It’s useless to want to bypass this journey. For it’s only by inhabiting it that we chance to know Eternity, not as some far off place reserved for saints, but as the Numinous Delta in which the very marrow of life forms and reforms. To live in this unending dynamism, between being and becoming, is the path of transformation. More than finding Heaven on Earth, we are asked to release Heaven by living here on Earth.
(My choice for words in bold.)
In these days of spaciousness, I fall into the arms of Peace while also meeting Challenge dead in her fierce(ened) face. I no longer feel quick sanded by the pain; there is more ease is in the flow even in the midst of challenge, knowing this is part of the pulsing of the star that I am. 🙂 I am up here twinkling in that very same sky, this holiday season, with an overhead look down upon you all – you with family, with friends, active, and festive, or perhaps you are alone like me, spacious and beautiful remembering with me as we go through our Holy days. Big Starshine love travels from me to you and from you to me as we hang here in the seasonless sky –
I know you to be well in our togetherness! So so shiny are we!
Life as Improv 
as it gets dark
i’ll look up there
remembering you 🙂
How I wonder what we are 🙂
Me too 🙂
Ping 🙂
From one star to another…thank you for shining on me today. Today when I’m feeling melancholy, dissatisfied with the stuff of the every day, thank you for chasing away the shadows for a while.
I so love that you shine right back at me 🙂 What a strange time of year christmas time and new years can be when often melancholy is what is bubbling up, yet the world is painting a false picture of manic cheer! The real shine is from flowing from your own truth – and that is so very shiny. I’m embarrassed to say, but I am not sure of your name. I know that I have named you Emma, for that is what comes to my mind when I talk to you. I am enjoying that we hang in a near part of the sky, where there is space for whatever is arising without judgement! Much love to you, Emma 🙂 (do let me know if I am wrong)
What’s in a name? 😉 It’s Lisa, but I am not averse to Emma. 😀 Love right back. xx
How wonderful to be invited to join the party in solitude. There can be a range of emotions that arise in this state, but all of them I have found to be very instructive.
How wonderful to putter to a clock that only has to be on schedule for taking care of oneself for a bit in our own environment…such freedom of choice that it can almost be overwhelming to be responsible for. What to do with oneself without needed immediate allocations in our space for others?
So beautiful to watch the wisdom coming home to roost for the lessons lived and learned when having been lonely when not alone before, we now find ourselves alone and not lonely at all.
…..
There has been a last minute run to the inbox for post and the discovery of a sweet little snail something sent coast to coast. Heart happiness for all shares you give here, there and on so many levels we just touch the edges of awareness of. From this coast to yours, sending much love right back at you. I join you on yours the day after tomorrow (only up north) as I head back into those star filled skies for a chunk. On my first flyover on the way to AUA, I will have the captain dip the wing hello over your neck of the woods.
We fly alone, but not ever lonely when those we love travel within us :).
-x.M
It was a pleasure to have you at the party 🙂 And now I think I am being visited in the laundry room (more of a laundry hallway) as the machines have not stopped spinning and tumbling since first light as I wash away sins non-stop on a rampage of top to bottom cleaning and organizing; so funny how different life looks to me now; cleaning and organizing not a chore but a treat in this rare gift I gave myself of space. The rental car is getting some lovely flushes and washes and scrubs, oh my!
I had to look up AUA, thinking maybe even Australia, but alas, Aruba sounds like a delicious cup of wonder in the winter time! I will wave right back at wing tilt holding cargo of beings who are so precious! So funny to look around a flight and realize all have chosen to be together in this space together for this ride. I am Enjoying the Sisterhood of the Joy Choice Club in a growing circle of YES! xo! m
We are, you are so so shiny I agree. Be well on this fine holiday season. I hope the world is kind to you.
Always
Benjamin
Hello Shiny Benjamin. So excited to see you unfolding yourself into a new space. I am always so amazed how you manage to make more happen in a smaller time frame than so many with less obstacles. PD keeps you from flying off the planet like Superman 🙂 Merry happy joy sent to you in your new place. xo! marga
🙂