in love with love

5 Nov


I eat my food with my eyes closed.  I feel the texture of the cracker on my tongue.  I taste the salty, taste the sweet.  I chew slowly while I see the experience in utter darkness – my tastebuds projected on an empty screen.

When I forget, I forgive myself immediately.  I laugh at my sudden panic and call myself sweetheart and precious.

I appreciate how soft the skin feels as I give my arms a gentle rub from shoulder to finger tips.  I let my hands talk of love.

I close my eyes in the shower and breath in the wonder of the steam; I feel each stream of water as it touches my head, my shoulders, my back.  I love  the legs that hold me upright here for such an experience as this.  I bow to the many who never once have had the sensuality of a hot shower, but instead bathe in streams, muddy puddles, out of buckets;  I envision them in comfort as well.  I stand in the knowledge of this privilege.  I stand and enjoy for them for now, without guilt but with pleasure and gratitude and awareness of the puzzling flow of fate and birth.   I send love to the four corners of us all in every walk.

When I go to bed, I rub my hand along the sheets.  Ah so wonderful to have clean bedding to cover a platform that cradles me so.   I love the solid soft that holds me here – I feel the spirit of the atoms coming together to make this bed to support my rest.

I fall into darkness that turns to places of teaching.  I allow the lessons and the visits.  I bring some strangeness  back that wishes to enhance my waking. I  remember the communion with the self with whom no language applies.  I thank her for creating the dreamscape which is so like the waking one, a holodeck built just for me.  I open to the gifting of strong feelings, though they may make me uncomfortable, for when I really feel them fearlessly, without blinking, I seem to learn faster.

I realize I dwarf this planet, yet here I am, shrunken, hilariously so, into a name, an identity, a zip code.

I accept messes my eyes see,  I clean them up gladly and share some tea from my grandmother’s pot.   I make the breakfast, pay the bills, close my eyes with every sip of morning.

In these ways i remember when I forget.

11 Responses to “in love with love”

  1. Andrea November 5, 2013 at 3:55 am #

    Well, holy shi**. If this isn’t my new theme song. And by that I mean your post, though the video is quite illustrative. I love this post. I looooooove this post. And thank you for it. I will momentarilly have much sweeter dreams because of the mood you have set. I see you have tagged this with self love, and I love your self!!!

    • marga t. November 5, 2013 at 1:03 pm #

      I love that we can sing this way together! Holy SHI* has just the right balance 🙂 I switched from second person to first cause it felt a bit preachy – always just talking to myself, really! Eden disappeared when I went to pick her up last night and I had a bit of panic – my phone lost power so I had some forgetting as I searched options for where she may be. All made sense in the end and worked out quickly – but my writing was a little lullaby to myself – forgiving my forgetting and recognizing the blessings of resting again in peace. I am imagining your Homeschooling has a wonderful side benefit of flowing to your own schedule! Hope all under your roof are flowing with peace today! XO! m

  2. lauriesnotes November 7, 2013 at 2:12 am #

    the forgetting and remembering.. Thank you for sharing some gentleness.
    Love –

    • marga t. November 7, 2013 at 12:46 pm #

      I found this lovely poet through this lovely blogger:

      Here is to gentleness for our own best friend: the self!
      Much love to you Laurie!

      “The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself.What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it’s your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who’s not full of hate, who’s able to smile and be carefree. So that’s who I have to be.”
      ― C. JoyBell C.

      • lauriesnotes November 7, 2013 at 7:34 pm #

        Beautiful..and timely. Thank you. I had no idea what I was getting into when I jumped into healing my self.. no words for the journey..though I keep trying.
        Thank you –

  3. Alison November 8, 2013 at 2:03 pm #

    Oh thank you for this beautiful reminder

    • marga t. November 8, 2013 at 11:31 pm #

      xoxox sent on a southbysoutheast wind 🙂

  4. Kelly Kuhn November 8, 2013 at 9:21 pm #

    Reblogged this on Kelly Kuhn and commented:
    This post moved me today, and I just had to pass the love along to you. Enjoy!

  5. Kelly Kuhn November 8, 2013 at 9:25 pm #

    Oh what a beautiful post! I believe my readers would be so blessed to read it, so I hit the reblog button, and wrote in my little note to go in beforehand. On WordPress it says I reblogged it, but it’s not showing up on my site. I’ve never tried to do that before – any ideas what I might have done wrong? Or does it take a while?

    It really was lovely. Thank you.

    • marga t. November 8, 2013 at 11:36 pm #

      HIgh strangeness in the air, for sure ! Thank you for the unreblogged reblog in spirit 🙂 xo!

      • Kelly Kuhn November 9, 2013 at 2:09 am #

        You’re so cute!

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