bumbling away from wretched

17 Sep

cave face

how few words

do I know

to say

what I want to say.

Deprived of any real language,

I am choking on a blockage

of unexpressed experience.

Still, it seems, there are caverns

of what

I cannot enter.

I stand at the opening and gaze,

into…what’s here?

I rub (caress, de-skin my hands on) the rock walls

that I can reach.

The match blows out –

my hips get stuck;

watch me shimmy back from the threshold.

How do I convey regret

even for a passing thought,

for daring to long?

Worse yet,

how can I express a wish to disappear,

a shame of being in a body?

What is a word for longing for the void?

What is a word for stepping into the dark womb –

shivering naked (pale skinned, goose pimpled, embryonic)

stupid certain of a love that flows even here?

How do you say demasking –

for standing alone with nothing to say?

Where comes the courage to remain standing –

to remain there at the cave door?

Who dares me to carry on?

The comic book, lightbulb epiphany is that:

the cave i cannot enter

is inside of me –

butΒ inside out.

Stiller than even breath,

love isn’t just here;

itΒ flows



25 Responses to “bumbling away from wretched”

  1. S September 17, 2013 at 2:25 pm #


    Much love,

  2. britlight September 17, 2013 at 3:19 pm #

    It’s your birthday? Well, Marga T…have a lovely one, my friend. xx

  3. lauriesnotes September 17, 2013 at 4:59 pm #

    I read this several times ..as I have pushed myself lately..maybe tried too hard..and reached out to know more..and ended up in this place where much is unclear and unexpressed…and accepting that..I sit here.
    Much love –

    • marga t. September 17, 2013 at 6:42 pm #

      Strange, but sometimes it seems this place where much is unclear and unexpressed – is our closest truest most open most naked realness – i sit here with you – allowing the bumbling allowing the unclarity allowing the sitting πŸ™‚ hand squeezes to you.

      • lauriesnotes September 17, 2013 at 6:55 pm #

        Deep gratitude..

  4. britlight September 17, 2013 at 6:00 pm #

    I have bumbly of sorts lately also. It will be lovely to feel slightly cemented at some point.

  5. britlight September 17, 2013 at 6:01 pm #

    I have felt…I don’t actually *have* bumbly. Although that sounds like fun. πŸ˜€

    • marga t. September 17, 2013 at 6:51 pm #

      HA! I love typos often for the way they wake up words and make them sit next to unlikely partners πŸ™‚ Have bumbly away! I think the shifting ground for me is what I am learning to navigate – slightly cementy is good for a respite, but Mostly it seems I keep needing to bend my knees and keep the legs at the ready! Oh, and to ice the bruises.

  6. Michael September 17, 2013 at 11:22 pm #

    Beautiful. Read it three times. Took me to a quiet place I can’t describe, like I felt hollowed out, simplified, and at the same time closer to everything, even things I didn’t even know were real. Michael

    • marga t. September 19, 2013 at 11:43 am #

      Your words powerfully illuminate this dark place for me – “hollowed out…[still] closer to everything” I am so blessed that you made the journey there here always here, can’t convey with words but know no words are needed πŸ™‚ Thank you, Michael. marga

  7. lauriesnotes September 18, 2013 at 12:20 am #

    Thanks again for the sitting – and I forgot to say Happy Birthday.
    Much love –

    • marga t. September 19, 2013 at 11:44 am #

      So precious, Laurie. Thank you. I’ve been sitting still in the midst of much activity – finally a manifesting stillness. Much love to you! m

  8. seeingm September 18, 2013 at 6:24 am #

    Went out to buy a cookie to long distance celebrate with you on your big day, only to be gifted a dive into the beingness of a bird let loose to flight.

    Tomorrow there is a planned return to walk along the sand that leads to certain spaces where the rocks cocoon and hug. Is it an electromagnetic blocking that occurs in the atill feeling often felt in caves? Is the inner as outer a rhythm of living where light is redirected in a way the human body can subconsciously detect?

    WONDERFUL words to feel and read here today. B-day blessings on your head for the gifts you give us all with the choice to stay in that body. -x.M

    • marga t. September 19, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

      I did not know what I was writing about until your post made me see in new light, and suddenly I understood more what the inner outer cave was holding within me…This threshold of birth and death and the choice for all of us therein which appeared in the form of a hollow yet also heavy cave within me on the anniversary of such occasions, perhaps rose up for a desire to BE SEEN – so mysteriously! So grateful for your laser beams, M!

      Bukowski’s bluebird is an absolute flow from here – in that I don’t know of many who so beautifully engaged with their own wretchedness, and through such a wrestle, came to understand their bluebird! Can’t wait for poetry unit to share the wisdom from the cookie diva, the devi diva, and the bluebird πŸ™‚ I will hold the small lava rock that came back with me on Friday and know there is a current connecting to you in a lava cave – if life flows you that way; if not the signal will wait patiently – it has all the time in the world! so much X!m

  9. lauriesnotes September 18, 2013 at 6:38 pm #

    Thank you for being one to sit with me in this place.
    Much love –

    • marga t. September 19, 2013 at 1:14 pm #

      Beautiful! I so adore how we sit and create together from such open and allowing places! Much peace and joy felt with you there today! x! marga

  10. vision5d2012 September 23, 2013 at 3:37 pm #

    Beautiful Marga! I love this line: “Deprived of any real language, I am choking on a blockage of unexpressed experience.” More and more, words are stumbling blocks for me, rather than vehicles for expression. I keep affirming that this is preparation for learning telepathy. When a tool (even one we have used effectively for eons and treasured dearly) delivers a clumsy result time after time, we look for a new one that will allow us to refine and continue to perfect our skills and talents. Language, however useful in the past, is falling short for “delivering the goods.” I believe it is because we as a species are learning to speak through our hearts more than our minds, or perhaps, in combination with our minds (I have heard the word “heartmind” used recently.) Learning to express through our heartminds is one of the next great challenges for humankind. Our ability to convey emotion, picture, thought and experience — all at once — directly into the heartmind of another or group will be exhilarating and bring us to a new frontier in the realm of human communication. But first the frustration of trying to get the old tool to work in a manner it was never intended for. Thanks so much for sharing your images and artistry. Love to you, Alia

    • marga t. September 23, 2013 at 9:50 pm #

      I’ve missed you and your words, Beautiful Alia, though I totally grok what we are groking together here without words πŸ™‚ I like how you frame this transitory time with using language. I had a wonderful sync with your comment here! I was able to read what you had written just before getting in the car for my afternoon class and on the radio came this song:

      “Words are very unnecessary” flowed into my ears from this reflecting song in the mirror of our experiences – inner thoughts reflected without – and lovely validation of the truth of no separation. Will be nice to learn to give and receive information in a less stumble(y) way! Bring it on! or in other non-words (………………….!!) X!marga

  11. heartflow2013 September 25, 2013 at 1:57 am #

    Hello Marga – Alia showed me your powerful poem above – wow – and I had a dream last night about I do believe we have entered into the space beyond words and they are still just hanging on like threads from a ripped parachute… here is my post: http://heartflow2013.wordpress.com/2013/09/24/love-conquers-all/
    much love,
    ps – the song above was a favorite of mine for many years!

    • marga t. September 25, 2013 at 7:25 pm #

      Beautiful connections! I have dream envy πŸ™‚ !

      • heartflow2013 September 26, 2013 at 1:41 am #

        Sweet dreams! πŸ˜†

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