sketching out life in pencil

18 Aug

drawing ourselves

My life is an experiment.

In the past two years, i walked away from the life i had known – and began sketching the life out anew.  Making such a previously unthinkable step accelerated my journey home.

My life has been a study on the flow of money, as it is for us all, right?  I’ve lived comfortably by the world’s standards.   But now the things that were a given for most of my life are no longer available.   This is closer to how the rest of the world lives day to day, but no where near the precarious existence the majority of humans content with.   But learning in this immediate world, I see Uncertainty is my teacher, and i have found that she is always up for a cup of tea once I got to know her.

Here is the scenario in this present day unfolding:  I walked in to get my classes for the fall to find that the new health care bill has changed my arrangements quite a bit.  The college has had to cut back adjunct’s classes and pay…

In short, the money issue will need to be figured out.

The experiment:  how to flow into whatever this pay cut means without attachment while creating a life that is sustainable, thriving, and beautiful.  What can I create in this situation?

An earlier manifestation of self would have jumped into panic and reached for anything in desperation…an unsuitable job,  a hasty move, I’m not sure;  I’m not that person anymore – haven’t been for a while.  I do sometimes wake in the night and realize in my rhinoceros mind is charging into heart thumping destruction scenarios.  That animal can charge on through – that is allowed – but mostly – there is an awareness of a net below the tightrope – i trust and step – and even if i misstep – i know i will land in the same substance that surrounds and flows within – or maybe better still I am actually a bird standing on the wire…I have wings:

birdon a wire

This is what I am getting at:  the magic of the human it seems to me is to not be a victim of our circumstances but to be a creator.  If I can imagine in metaphor all that i am and all that everything is, I draw the truth.   I am the rhinoceros – powerfully charging through – I am the high wire walker – I am the bird –  I am a growing tree that breaks through the atmosphere of heaven – my root ball, the earth – I am the artist – and my life is my masterpiece – not in a worldly viewed way – but in true eyes – a masterpiece of living this life out as presently and instructively as this sketched-out girl can do!

So in the dance of money – which some have spoken of as a spell which has been cast over the human race – how can I dance with these new circumstances?

What can I envision my life to be?  What now has room to arrive by this new opening?

I am calm, centered,  experimenting with doing the next thing as always with great trust.  I am a big earthen pot draining out self –  still and waiting to be filled with a knowing of what I need to know when I need to know it 🙂

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart.
…live in the question.”
― Rainer Maria RilkeLetters to a Young Poet

“Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.”
― Mark Z. DanielewskiHouse of Leaves

15 Responses to “sketching out life in pencil”

  1. Kelly Kuhn August 18, 2013 at 5:47 pm #

    I relate to so much of this, and it’s a great reminder for me today. Thanks!

    • marga t. August 19, 2013 at 1:06 pm #

      We can experiment together 🙂

  2. smallpebbles August 18, 2013 at 6:24 pm #

    YES! And having been with no money, and then witnessed how Grace just flowed and gave support, can tell you from experience, it is a great teaching (as your post well said) – such a reminder it really is perfect, might as well let go and enjoy the Ride. shanti…

    • marga t. August 19, 2013 at 1:11 pm #

      Thanks Kai! So great to know that Grace has flowed and supported in your flow too! Thank you for your insight into enjoying the Ride – . I am excited to see what is around the sharp curved drop, here. I can’t figure out how to insert a photo into comments – so right here imagine the photo of the monks on the roller coaster – hands up – joy and excitement on their faces 🙂

      • smallpebbles August 19, 2013 at 6:52 pm #

        Love that image! Fantastic!

  3. seeingm August 18, 2013 at 8:39 pm #

    As strange as it may seem to see the next words I will leave here, they are left as one who has stood in a very similar spot and felt my stomach drop as the financial framework fell out from beneath my feet (and there were only MY feet standing there at the time, so this is even a larger amazing moment as there are 2 other pairs standing depending on yours):

    CONGRATULATIONS MARGA FOR ARRIVING AT THE PLACE WHERE YOU HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE TESTED AT THIS LEVEL!!!

    There is a spoon to see ones face reflected sometimes upside down in, but the power for that spoon to even be there at all comes from within the hand that is holding it. Welcome to the invitation to begin dancing more and more with the possibility that there is no spoon. 🙂

    “Obama Care” is a wonderful code or foil within the construct for our next evolvement in the dance of uncovering how reality can really actually work. You precious, divine magic maker, now walk by that beautiful faith birthing new works, born from inner wealth as the external realigns to provide in creative ways past the limitations of just an exchange of energy we call $. It is so beautiful to watch you have the courage to share your journey here. WE ALL BENEFIT from your mapping of this part of our shared growth.

    In my experience to date, as things got tight and I got creative, this does not mean in my life I have been freed to live and consume beyond what I could cover in an honest exchange of energy (ie I would NEVER recommend calling to oneself the experience of masses of debt, but if that happens, it also is a divine walk), but the universe is trusting the expression of one Ms MT (hey, is that M.anifestation T.ransformer?! 🙂 ) trusting herself to know that all was, is and will be well. Kudos to you!

    Nice link (which you need not M, but offers a nice sync trail for any one else following unfolding potentials for how this can work) left here to give support with practical examples:
    http://heartflow2013.wordpress.com/2013/04/08/arizona-beach-retreat-journal-entry/

    We live in a state of always having what we need and as we move along, what we want, too. You are amazing.

    YOU ARE SO LOVED. -x.M

    PS…For about 13 years now I have had a little ultimate wealth generator in the coin section of my wallet to remind me of the deeper access to abundance awaiting one thought in purity away (a little seashell for many years and now a pebble). It is a nice little concrete, visual reminder every time I forget, or every time I am tempted to panic when I reach into my purse. It is NEVER empty, ever :). Passed on as an idea for anyone else reading here.

    • marga t. August 19, 2013 at 1:30 pm #

      Grateful for your words – M.C.- from one who walks these steps and keeps great notes – So great to see Tomas at his retreat again – or re-experience the kisses for the birds story: http://seeingm.wordpress.com/2013/08/13/abracadabra-magic-makers-who-remembered/
      as reminders as I enter into the next lab class – Spoon/no Spoon 101 (3 Credits – The independent study credits definitely transfer:) Goggles on – spoon, check, beaker, check, bunson burner, check, lab coat…here I/we all go…

  4. souldoula August 18, 2013 at 10:20 pm #

    Reminds me of the story about the man who was so poor all he had was money… 🙂

    • marga t. August 19, 2013 at 1:33 pm #

      I am the inverse of him for sure! 🙂 I am so rich all I lack is money…which is extremely true. It strikes me too, how much I lack emotions about this – emotional problems with my kids can rock my boat – but money matters – sleeves rolled up – task ahead!

      • souldoula August 19, 2013 at 5:26 pm #

        Good for you. So many people have such a charge around money.

  5. prewitt1970 August 19, 2013 at 2:39 pm #

    What you said here was so well spoken, bravo to you and finding that calm that only exists in acceptance and trust. I like you have swam in that money stream and also have come to trust all things being its just stuff. Are we happy,healthy,loved in self and by others. At the end of the day those are the “things” that count.
    Namaste
    Benjamin
    Ps. If you find you need thing of life
    You know how to reach me.

    • marga t. August 20, 2013 at 12:56 am #

      You are a treasure for so many! I know I think of you everyday when I check in with Hope and Fire – and I know many are tangibly tied to the energetic signature of Benjamin Prewitt – the artist man in his downstairs studio – wishing you ease in your struggles and joy in your creative flow. We are so very wealthy in blessings 🙂 All things are working together for good. It is exciting! I thank thee! much love – m

  6. S August 20, 2013 at 12:47 am #

    Soon we will be stretched out on that dock on the clear spring fed river watching the manatees drift by like clouds. Such luxury and decadence, yet costs nothing 🙂

    • marga t. August 20, 2013 at 1:05 am #

      I’m so glad I signed up for your master class in creative envisioning, lovely lady! – soon will be sooner than we know – and until then – it is still pretty sweet with some little Pho breaks every few years! 🙂

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