silent days

31 Jul


i was alone in my house for the 4th night in a row, last night

i  won’t go into detail about how this came to be; that this is so rare and unexpected is enough to say.

for 20 years i was a wife and mom in a chaotic situation, in which i was left with only one seeming way to truth – I had to find the still point in the activity.

now out of the blue I have a glimpse of wider plains of space and silence.

I can see the mind – not understanding – sets about the task to fill up any gap.

it took a while for the reverberating sounds in my head to die down.

but man oh man when they did – i realized i was floating in a watery world of silence

that so gently took my form within it.

even as more activity is creeping back in,  I’ve been carrying my own pool with me, in the car, to a meeting with a student,  sitting in the bookstore waiting for eden; m in a movable tank.  I may be leaving puddles of this delicious substance in my wake, ya think?

This silence is So far beyond the short visits to the cushion –

i’ve been stealing bits and moments of it for years, dreaming of a silent retreat one day

and though this is no vipassana 10 day-er – I’ll take this dive into the clear water of days as a start.

in watery silence, I have the luxury to be –

and in this silent being i float.

16 Responses to “silent days”

  1. Shackled and Crowned July 31, 2013 at 1:51 pm #

    (((Hugs))) friend.

    • marga t. July 31, 2013 at 10:31 pm #

      joyful (((hugs))) back to you!

  2. britlight July 31, 2013 at 1:57 pm #


  3. lauriesnotes July 31, 2013 at 3:40 pm #

    No doubt you are sharing– even here.

  4. prewitt1970 July 31, 2013 at 5:43 pm #

    Peace and silence I’m not even sure I know her name anymore. I hope you enjoyed it.

    • marga t. July 31, 2013 at 10:36 pm #

      Peace and silence know your name, Benjamin. Always there behind the chaos, waiting, grinning with love at you! I see in my mind a countdown 3 – 2- 1 – and off we go, you and I, jumping and plunging – you into swirling paints and me into my liquid womb.

      • prewitt1970 July 31, 2013 at 10:55 pm #

        I need to paint that, wow, I just flashed the most amazing mother and child image. Damn. Thank you!!!

  5. Alison July 31, 2013 at 6:02 pm #

    Having had glimpses, moments, recognition, I so long for that space, to live in that truth. How wonderful for you. To have this message come to me reminds me to come back to now. Thank you.

    • marga t. July 31, 2013 at 10:39 pm #

      Same here, glimpses, moments, recognition – just marking the elongation of this visit to that space. I love the looping back reminders we give to each other. xx, you two. Hope you can still soak in the water at your paradise!

  6. seeingm July 31, 2013 at 8:20 pm #

    That’s yOur M… wearing our big girl shoes that make no noise when we walk the path! Rocketing to the TRUTH of the real, deeper potentials of the Vipassana retreat experience (part of what it was created as a reminder when put “on the to do list” in the first place) without ever having to actually go to one!!!!!

    KUDOS TO YOU for accessing “THE MATRIX” style Trinity helicopter flight instructions download moments without having to physically actually go to the bricks and mortar flight school. 🙂 Once we start asking the deeper questions, welcome to the “magic” style unfoldments we gift ourselves and each other… teaching oneself from the one self by signing up to go to inner school.

    Here is to celebrating with each other the profound stillness and silence that can be found while physically standing in the middle of our own Times Squares…. those very same, but still unique squares of our own makings that are found within the moment to moment flow of our choice of following deeper thoughts and the trajectories of potential they take us to in the external world in the different ways to experience living of our lives.

    It is remembering the ever present breathing of a “sssshhhhh” within the wonderful cacophony of the party of human life… it is the sound of my one hand clapping over space and time finding a connection point with your one hand clapping, and the beautiful resulting silent noise of that creation… finally becoming so loud it is impossible to miss hearing the deafening silence doing this makes. 🙂 -x.M

    • marga t. July 31, 2013 at 11:05 pm #

      instead of the feet slipping and sliding at the edge, such a connection point makes the leap an arcing dive. the space between is easily folded for this connecting symphony of silent hands. xox!m

      • seeingm August 1, 2013 at 12:00 am #

        We are all so beautiful when seen through the eyes of your M.

        Holding supportive hands together, hands offered the best we can from those moments found just being… past the pleasure and past the pain. We find standing together at THAT bridge’s edge, out of your “arcing dive” (yes yes yes so beautifully said) WE FLY.

        Here is to the escalating probabilities of the wonderful disasters that WE are. Ms’ still from within, while still in the system. Choosing to be the infectious love bugs that we already are.

        (may have linked this before… if a repeat, chalk it up to my letting go of remembering the past in the now of now 🙂 )




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