It got pretty rough going there for a while. In fact, I think that this latest rough patch is what started me blogging to begin with in November – I was in a tough spot and I had no idea what to do. This blog helped mirror in words yet another angle to view me at the place I found myself to be.
As the rough patch smooths out a bit now, I feel the inclination to move on quickly with nary a glance behind. I bet I’m not the only one who feels that pull after challenges pass. In some ways, moving on seems only good; now is now another now and the now from before is OVER. Why navel gaze about the recent past?
This is the view looking behind me on the trail:
The reason I can stop here and look back is because ahead of me looks a bit like this:
What I most want to say is how damned grateful I am in this moment. I am so very full of my own blessings, I am spilling out all over the place 🙂 I share this spot on my journey not because I wish to make my experiences some screenplay I’m powering up with self-importance. My stuff is the same stuff we all have going on, but we don’t always know or remember that in the thick of the dark shadows.
What is clearer now: There are no nice neat answers! Anything I try to sum up, doesn’t add up; I have no clear story to tell. I am forced to acknowledge, the parts don’t make a whole; they just are parts, experienced. Life sucks at math, even simple addition. Well, life doesn’t; my human interpretation of the math sucks. Diagnosis at any point of the path is a false concept because in the material plane, all can change in the blink of an eye to something else entirely.
The only thing of relevance is this: we can walk through the dark scary places and again find ourselves in the sun and we are never alone.
I grew up putting on a mask to make me seem together. I didn’t know you could function another way.
Seen with new eyes is this: Honest and naked walking is the only way to to go. Problems that are hidden go on to fester and grow in the shadows. Speaking the truth, saying what is actually happening, allows nothing to remain hidden. It matters not if people think we’ve got our shit together, because truth be told, we don’t. We are only living moment to moment by the grace of god, universe, flow at any point. Everything can fall apart, and often that is not as pretty as a picture, for all to see.
But I have a feeling, from many points of view, there is nothing more beautiful than the truth: raw, naked and real!
NO ONE IS ALONE
from Into The Woods – Stephen Sondheim
No one here to guide you
Now you’re on your own
Only me beside you
Still your not alone
No one is alone
Truly
No one is alone
Sometimes people leave you
Half-way through the wood
Others may deceive you
You decide what’s good
You decide alone
But no one is alone
People make mistakes
Father’s, Mother’s
People make mistakes
Holding to their own
Thinking they’re alone
Honor their mistakes
Everybody makes
One another’s terrible mistakes
Witches can be right
Giants can be good
You decide whats right
You decide whats good
Just remember
Someone is on your side
Someone else is not
Well we’re seeing our side
Maybe we forgot
They are not alone
Cause no one is alone
Hard to see the light now
Just don’t let it go
Things will come out right now
We can make it so
Someone is on your side
No one is alone
Life as Improv 
The thought came to me after reading this, the ‘ugly truth’. Truth can be ugly at times, messy, scary, and yet it seems that all this shit we go through eventually brings us to the Beautiful truth. Your story, your sharing inspires me because you so courageously show both sides and you give me hope. 🙂
Thank you, Erin. Being able to be honest with ones such as you, sister, makes all the difference!
I would just like to say thank you, for your honesty, bravery, compassion and brilliance. I think your fantastic and you journey has been wonderful to share the ups downs and walking backwards in time. I will journey with you anytime.
Truly
Benjamin
jaunting along with you, B.man, is a great honor. Bowing to you for your sharing of your creations of light, joy, and courage through challenge! x!
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Namaste
B
🙂
Thank you for sharing your thoughts… they tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me to focus and strive.
James
Thank you, James. I am glad for the tapping, but unfocused and hazy over here (in a good way) 🙂 Peace to you!