out of my hands

9 Mar

lists

At many points along the journey, there seem to be no answers. (through the myopic lens)  The mind wants to ask the same question over and over.  The doer wants to create some action to fix something, move something forward, make something happen.  The sufferer wants to bang its head against a hard surface to physically represent the inner looping frustration of an impasse.

I have a quirk that has served to get things out of my hands and into the hands of something larger than myself.

I make lists.

I often list my worries, as they occur; the biggest unsolvables that are layered deep in my heart make it on to the lists in notebooks,  on receipts, napkins…anything I can find in moments of worry.  As this transfer occurs from inner to outer,  I find myself releasing the tight gripping fingers of control and the delusion of fixing.

I don’t remember when it first happened, but the day when I first found a forgotten list was BIG because:

Every damn thing on that list had been resolved – some magically and some methodically.   I had at once absolute validation of a force much larger than I – at work;  I had PROOF.  That isn’t always true; some people/items/dilemmas on my list remain for years unresolved, but at least they are symbolically out of my hands and on the lists.

Many times I struggle with the steering wheel, trying to be the one driving, feeling alone, feeling overwhelmed!   When I remember to make the list, I can still be helpful to the solution, I’m just not grasping.    ALL is out of my hands – always – in all ways.  Tangibly marking this to be true has been helpful to me along the way.

5 Responses to “out of my hands”

  1. prewitt1970 March 9, 2013 at 2:02 pm #

    I hope on your list that you add smile why? You may ask, because when you do you will know I am smiling too. I hope this day brings peace to your mind and happiness to your heart.
    Benjamin
    Ps. I’m a list maker as well, it gives me security.

    • marga t. March 9, 2013 at 2:05 pm #

      I’m actually beaming at you, brother!
      I love how you allow me the vicarious experience of paint on my shoes 🙂
      x!

      • prewitt1970 March 9, 2013 at 2:06 pm #

        Paint on the shoes anyway is a good day.
        B.

  2. Awake in 365 Days March 9, 2013 at 3:15 pm #

    Oh, I love this making lists! I did something similar yesterday, I was reflecting on some issues (unresolvable, almost all of them fall in this category) and then I went to the shredder and shredded the paper. My sister has a magic white board and she writes down what she wants to have happen and very often, the situation resolves just like she wrote on her board. I really like this list idea though, it does feel like you’re doing something but also that you’re not alone, like you’ve delegated your problems to the universe 🙂

    • marga t. March 9, 2013 at 4:11 pm #

      Think how high our office must be that we can delegate to the universe, haha! Nice to share this quirk with you and your sister. 🙂

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