The Angry and Peaceful Wolves of Parenting

18 Jan


Parenting is not easy.  I don’t know what I am doing.

The Angry Wolf of this job says, “I will not tolerate this behavior.”  The Angry Wolf says, “My Way or the Highway.”  The Angry Wolf lives in fear of ingratitude, threats to it’s authority, tarnishing of it’s image, mutiny, and failure.

The Peaceful Wolf says,  “Nothing can hurt me.  Nothing can ever diminish me in any way.”

Once this is known – suffering becomes a memory.  The threat disappears like smoke.

I watch myself and see joy, ease, compassion, often, no matter the swirling whirlwind of the suffering that comes to those in my care  from the confusion of growing up in our culture, in our family, with this Mother.

The sticky times are observed as well and I can clearly see where I am attached to some idea that I believe I can be hurt or diminished in some way.  Those incorrect thoughts bring out the Angry Wolf.

The Peaceful Wolf knows that no one owes me anything, ever, no matter what I have given.  Every act on my part is a gift and a service that I give, and nothing can be expected in return.  With the commitments I have freely made, I will serve with pleasure, with no expectation of the reward of appreciation for MY service, no expectation of closeness derived from MY giving, no paybacks, no front of the line, no piggy back rides up the mountain – unless these gifts flow to me from the kindness of another, unexpectedly.

In my observations of myself, I see that when I’m tired or engaging in incorrect thoughts, I can imagine I’m put upon.  In this state of mind, no words even need to be spoken; this mindset is conveyed telepathically and bodily and throws me and others out of synch.

Since I cannot be diminished, ever, all is always good.

In the story, the Peaceful Wolf is fed, so it grows, while the Angry Wolf shrinks from not being fed.  Perhaps the Angry Wolf is swaddled, loved, and absorbed.  Who knows?  I still don’t know what I’m doing.  But this makes sense tonight.

25 Responses to “The Angry and Peaceful Wolves of Parenting”

  1. Awake in 365 Days January 18, 2013 at 1:33 am #

    I hear you sister! When parenting gets really bad for me, I take my angry wolf for a car ride and let it howl.

  2. marga t. January 18, 2013 at 2:01 am #

    Simpatico! Sometimes I put on NIN and run around the block…amazingly helpful. Thanks for sharing in the howl 🙂

    • Awake in 365 Days January 18, 2013 at 4:03 am #

      Awesome. My fav head banging music is Nirvana. Especially Smells like Teen Spirit. 😉

      • marga t. January 18, 2013 at 11:53 am #

        Yes – love it! Also a good title for me, loving to thrash and laugh 🙂

    • S January 18, 2013 at 1:43 pm #

      Funny sync…I thought of you yesterday while listening to Down In It……I was up above it, now I’m down in it. Sigh……..again?? Really?? And so it goes. Much love 🙂

      • marga t. January 18, 2013 at 1:54 pm #

        Big loves sent your way, S!! Traveling the stream together, we, and we are embraced and loved by the all, while we are down in it or up above. And we are reading Vonnegut in class…”SO IT GOES”! really!!

  3. Leisa January 18, 2013 at 6:34 am #

    Great post..parenting is hard bloody work!

    • marga t. January 18, 2013 at 11:54 am #

      Tis! But the perfect key combination of unlocking, I’m seeing. Love love love seeing your dd today – such presence captured in those candid life moments.

      • Leisa January 18, 2013 at 5:59 pm #

        The perfect key combination YES thats it exactly!!! Thank you

  4. smallpebbles January 18, 2013 at 10:48 am #

    Keep questioning those thoughts!….shanti….kai

    • marga t. January 18, 2013 at 11:58 am #

      Rght at the end of a knot being brushed out, then the brush flows smoothly through silken hair. shanti (saying the word flows peace within, even) grateful, kai.

  5. Delusion 24/7 January 18, 2013 at 1:54 pm #

    The wolf knows the song of the Moon and the Stars. When the silence of the night comes and all are lost in slumber, the wolf has woken up from the dream of delusion. One life to the next just a revolution of time the anger subsides to the silence of the night.

    • marga t. January 18, 2013 at 2:14 pm #

      I can’t put to words properly, but seems zooming out from the wheel of revolutions to the deepest stillness of the observer is longed for, and cusping. but also,Your time slippery words make me just want to be quiet, or hummmmm deep bow in recognition to you 🙂

      • Delusion 24/7 January 18, 2013 at 2:16 pm #

        journey Well

  6. Sofia Siberia January 20, 2013 at 3:55 am #

    I nominated you for a Reality Blog award 🙂
    If you don’t have this award yet, please accept it from me! 🙂
    You have a great blog! Best of luck!

    • marga t. January 20, 2013 at 2:58 pm #

      Oh you lovely Sofia! Thank you for thinking of this collection of words for an award! The time writing and reading others’ words on WordPress feels like stolen pockets of sweet treats, but then I have to get back to 3d time crunch duties. I can’t seem to squeeze in extra time for this, but honored and touched to be thought of. Blessings you your head 😉 xm

      • Sofia Siberia January 20, 2013 at 3:06 pm #

        You are totally right, Marga :))
        I feel flattered people thought of me when passing me the awards, but then it takes quite a time to acknowledge the awards, nominate and notify others, and i’m usually short of it 🙂
        Anyway, just know that your blog is great and worth many awards!
        Cheers 🙂

  7. lauriesnotes March 8, 2013 at 10:13 pm #

    I am enjoying reading your posts. So glad to have found your site. I love the story of the 2 wolves. I am struggling with how to share my story of healing with those who are still struggling..and to integrate for myself. Yes, maybe the angry wolf is swaddled, loved and absorbed. Love that.
    Much peace,

    • marga t. March 9, 2013 at 1:51 am #

      Thank you Laurie!
      Much easier to integrate something that can be swaddled 🙂
      Hope your evening and weekend is full of much peace and joy! So nice to share with you along the path! marga

      • lauriesnotes March 9, 2013 at 9:00 am #

        Yes, indeed! Not sure though how to reach back and share with those still struggling against it. I know I sound crazy to them and they can’t grasp the idea.
        I know I will figure out how to make the best use of my experience. For now, I keep writing.
        I looked up this story but I like your ending better.
        Thank you for meeting me on the path 🙂

  8. lauriesnotes March 9, 2013 at 9:08 am #

    Maybe I can use this story. Would it be ok if I was to post this legend and use your ending..with credit of course? I think it could help some struggling little girls and women.
    Love and peace returned,

    • marga t. March 9, 2013 at 1:42 pm #

      Feel free to share however feels right to you, Laurie!
      Here, Sunshine is streaming in on a Saturday morning 🙂

      • lauriesnotes March 10, 2013 at 3:13 am #

        Much thanks and love,

  9. Mardepalabras January 18, 2014 at 9:55 pm #

    Six or eight years ago, I was in this storm with my two older sons; in another 10 or 12 years, I’ll be back in this storm with my two youngest ones. It’s good to travel to bedlam and partway back, isn’t it? Thanks and peace.

    • marga t. January 19, 2014 at 2:31 pm #

      When I first heard of your life path Michael, I admit to a slight bit of sympathetic weariness, until I read your wonderful explorations of your world through the younger ones’ eyes – and I see your renewal in this new life. Just from the vantage point of teens, as you know, and the tall order of that, I can’t imagine the journey again – except as grandma 🙂 But oh the magic of little hands and boundless possibilities – and I see the same for you now, as you are in the incubator of your own renewal. Thank you for reflecting back to me from your own experiences. I know there are many years and tales full of learning and growth about which I find myself curious…I do remember clearly the last time I saw you with your oldest son in Greensboro. People stay frozen in that still frame of the mind. I think it Will be fun to explore through your words the how and why and what of your path!

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