Everything is Okay. It is.
I’ve been here before. The first time felt like coming home – remembering the place from which everything is okay.
I don’t know why or how I could cloudy up again once I knew this place existed, but that too is…okay!
There are mixtures of okay and not okay all around. Large thrashings of misery, small whimpering expressions of pain, happy laughter, birds coming to life in the glowing morning, everything is okay – and it always has been.
I think it is coming up on 2 years when a breakthrough of okayness came while we were still living on the boat. The marriage was in free fall, but something had shifted in me.
There was a fundraiser that my husband had planned to attend. I mentioned that we could go together, but the time of leaving, the time of coming home, the price, the gas of separate cars, and the destruction of the planet came into the discussion and I ended up staying on the boat while he went out.
As the light came in through the hatch the next morning, I realized that he had never come home. And I felt peace. (One beautiful thing about living on a boat is the way the light comes in through the hatches and wakes you up.) A week before this peace, I would have been angry, worried, tied in a knot. The light hit my eyes, his absence was realized and I wished him well where ever he was.
Soon after, I was able to make the steps I needed for moving my life in a more appropriate direction, but the drama was sucked out – a gift of the universe – helping me to come to the place where everything was okay.
A strange aside, I actually can smell the air of this place. It is sweet, mild, delicious, slightly tropical (even in winter) – The Place of Okay has a tangible smell! Does anyone else share that sensation?
So, how do I go from that place of peace to an off-kilter, reactive state again with the throws of teenage misery? I don’t know. Every time I remember The Place of Okay, I imagine it is for good. And one of the days, it will be…which seems more than okay.
Life as Improv 
Beautifully expressed! It’s a delight to follow your blog.
I wrote a reply and it disappeared. I remember saying thank you 🙂 And I wanted to tell you how nice it is to see your succinct and DEEP messages on your blog, and cool new name. That was all I wrote, I think. Hope you are enjoying your own individual flow in your life and in nature today – no separation!
marga
I understand, and thank you for the kind word regarding my blog.