The Subtlety of No Agenda

2 Jan

Oh my goodness.  I just stumbled on a teaching much needed at this time.

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I’ve been in a struggle for many months – which I have alluded to in this blogging expression, but I haven’t wanted to spell it out because the struggle, while mine, is not only mine.  My daughter has had an incorrect thought, from my perspective.  This lens she is looking through is a distorted doozy which has caused her much unhappiness and suffering.  Thoughts of separation do cause suffering.

But what I was not able to see was my agenda here.  I have not been able to fix her thought, correct it, punish it, banish it…The therapist wanted to medicate it.   Living with it expressing itself so aggressively, so painfully everyday for months and months has been exhausting.   Often I was smooth and nonreactive, but fatigue or sticky spots in me got activated and I was reacting largely at times.

I feel so cagey talking about it as “the thought.”  But it is not mine to share in a public way.  Just now on my jog around the block, a metaphorical equivalent occurred to me that might illustrate just why this “thought” is so difficult.  Imagine you are married and your spouse thinks that you are having an affair.  You are not, but nothing you can say or do changes this idea in your spouse.  This is a powerful and dangerous thought to daily, family life.  Every moment is rife with evidence to support the belief –  if you laugh on the phone, arrive late, engage in talk with someone, answer an email…any normal behavior can be interpreted as fuel to feed this incorrect perception.  The accused in this scenario can try to reassure, try to convince, try to walk the straight and narrow, but until the thought is no longer there, life is full of suffering for the believer of that thought.

Some days I think the incorrect thought is gone for good; actually, it seemed to leave for a whole week recently.   I got cocky and relieved and imagined it gone, so that when it reared its ugly head again, well, that is when I tipped the boat over.

I’ve tried everything…why?  I know better, but I have never been faced with such large suffering that I cannot fix, run from, or tolerate.  This only leaves what?

Opening my heart.

And staying there.

Resistance to  this suffering feeds “it” and engages my own ego as well.

Here is a teacher I stumbled across who reflects the subtlety of having no agenda in the face of the ego of another in the delusion of separation.  The practice of being present and totally open in the face of such suffering unlocked a difficult situation for this man.

Rupert Spira shows me here how this “other” that I am judging as incorrect is my own, intimate self.  There is no other than awareness.  Reacting, constricting in any way is judgement.  This is a slow and quiet answering that takes Mr. Spira 13 minutes, but this talk is full of truth for me today.

6 Responses to “The Subtlety of No Agenda”

  1. orbphotog January 2, 2013 at 7:02 am #

    Thanks for sharing “no resistence” nothing to get hold of, excellent! And, best wishes for your new year…!

    • marga t. January 2, 2013 at 2:43 pm #

      Thank you, Cheyenne. Much peace to you in the New Year and in all the adventures opening up along your path:) I look forward to sharing them with you through your wonderful photos and words! x!marga

  2. seeingm January 2, 2013 at 9:38 am #

    YES YES YES!!! Oh, your beautiful beingness Ms M!

    Welcome to our party down the rabbit WHOLE of loving what is.

    This is actually living NAMASTE not just as a powerless greeting word, but as a way of interacting with and treating ourselves and each other where at the core, in the moment of exchange, we know there is NO other. It is a power of perception that shifts everything!

    Welcome to an absolutely real operational reality where the advanced dimensional mathematics go like this:

    1+1=ONE


    LOVE LOVE LOVING our remembering in you at this moment M.

    MASSIVE squeezes also sent to the perfection of the one in the unique story in your world who is gifting this clarity using her unique application of a universal truth revealing collective muddy lens at the moment. She is demonstrating the perfect wake up imperfection tailor made just for you. Oh the wise mother you are who blesses her for this.

    The mirror between us is breath
    mist when I speak. Your face

    in water: I reach, the work
    grows muddy. Even friend and

    beloved are wrong words for this.
    Even ahhhhh retreats back into

    my mouth, the same if the moon’s
    behind cloud or being released.

    A pure silent look is better. -RUMI

    • marga t. January 3, 2013 at 1:07 am #

      Thank you, m! Your words…”the perfect wake up imperfection tailor made just for (me)”
      Exactly!
      Down the rabbit hole of advance dimensional math…I’m falling!
      Dwelling in that pure silent look, today! Heart so grateful for the compassionate understanding of this place on the path – through your lens. X!

  3. 1EarthUnited January 5, 2013 at 7:20 am #

    Thanks for sharing Rupert’s insightful video! I hope you came to a mutual understanding with your daughter. Best wishes.

    • marga t. January 5, 2013 at 6:47 pm #

      Thank you, Maddy. I just discovered Rupert – huge gift at the perfect time. There is ever more less and less of me to grab hold of, so while this time that she is trying to grab hold and thrash against me may last a long while, I am ok with that…and that is enormous for me. Thanks for sharing in the teaching with me. Know you are loving “what is” in your world today 🙂 xmarga

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