Today, I feel like telling a story. It is MY story, but I also recognize, I am not this story. I could be watching a movie, and yet some part of me wants to get some stories out on paper/screen to let them go on down the stream.
Obligation: The act of binding oneself by a social, legal, or moral tie.
I was happy in the obligation of my marriage, I thought. The deeper, higher pull of my true self knew that I could never wake up under the obligations I had tied myself too. This higher plan knew also that I would never walk away in good conscience, so when the heat of unreason, discomfort, bi-polar episodes, insane financial risks, absenteeism, and other deal breakers I fail to remember, grew into a raging fire of destruction, I had to go. I went along making everything normal until I couldn’t pretend anymore. Divorce seems unfortunate through many current lenses, but through my lens, I’ve come to see the separation as beautiful and freeing through the space of time, detachment from story, and clear air of my Sovereignty – which I had forgotten. That was just one stripping in my path – many more masks came off after the first.
What strikes me today is that my Freedom is from Obligations…not all, but many I lived under for most of my life: There has been a stripping of the obligations of my childhood religion, the obligations of the religion of my marriage, the social obligations of being part of a couple, the obligations of being part of social groups, the obligations of being part of a social class, the obligations of memberships, the obligations of home ownership, the obligations of a “belief” system, the obligations of buying into the mythology of my country, the obligations of consuming news media, the obligations of caring about pop culture, the obligations of empty interactions…you get the idea.
Community is lovely and something different entirely. Real community is about love, choice, and resonance. The choice to help, to accompany, to attend to, to facilitate with others from the heart is not about obligation at all. This interaction organically arises and expresses our truth, even when we are doing hard work!
What is left? Emptiness, stillness, undefined moment after moment in the space that smells like vanilla and cream. Joy!
I just dropped off my daughter at her friend’s house for a New Year’s Eve Party. This family is Greek Orthodox and they derive much joy from a grand, interactive culture. There was dancing on the beach this morning, guests in from out of town, music, food, family, friends. 🙂 But leaving their house was a relief to me. Why? I realized on my drive back home how wonderful it feels for me that through these years of tearing away of identity that I am not obligated…I do what I chose to do, for the most part.
Life is a ride, and we get to choose, and sometimes getting to that freedom comes through the recognition of our freedom from Obligations: I am just a baby of this understanding. Recognizing that this marga journey is just a ride is just the beginning!
Also I bow to the higher purpose of HM, my ex, for playing just the role needed at the intensity required to help me shake my sleeping self awake enough to step up to what was required of me. From a long, zoomed out view, his role was one of love and of the higher purpose, I have no doubt of that! Here is a bow to him in the higher fields!
Life as Improv 