Parenting is not easy. I don’t know what I am doing.
The Angry Wolf of this job says, “I will not tolerate this behavior.” The Angry Wolf says, “My Way or the Highway.” The Angry Wolf lives in fear of ingratitude, threats to it’s authority, tarnishing of it’s image, mutiny, and failure.
The Peaceful Wolf says, ”Nothing can hurt me. Nothing can ever diminish me in any way.”
Once this is known – suffering becomes a memory. The threat disappears like smoke.
I watch myself and see joy, ease, compassion, often, no matter the swirling whirlwind of the suffering that comes to those in my care from the confusion of growing up in our culture, in our family, with this Mother.
The sticky times are observed as well and I can clearly see where I am attached to some idea that I believe I can be hurt or diminished in some way. Those incorrect thoughts bring out the Angry Wolf.
The Peaceful Wolf knows that no one owes me anything, ever, no matter what I have given. Every act on my part is a gift and a service that I give, and nothing can be expected in return. With the commitments I have freely made, I will serve with pleasure, with no expectation of the reward of appreciation for MY service, no expectation of closeness derived from MY giving, no paybacks, no front of the line, no piggy back rides up the mountain – unless these gifts flow to me from the kindness of another, unexpectedly.
In my observations of myself, I see that when I’m tired or engaging in incorrect thoughts, I can imagine I’m put upon. In this state of mind, no words even need to be spoken; this mindset is conveyed telepathically and bodily and throws me and others out of synch.
Since I cannot be diminished, ever, all is always good.
In the story, the Peaceful Wolf is fed, so it grows, while the Angry Wolf shrinks from not being fed. Perhaps the Angry Wolf is swaddled, loved, and absorbed. Who knows? I still don’t know what I’m doing. But this makes sense tonight.